i have no one to talk to about about my depression.
i cant talk to my friends because ive run them all off; theyre tired of watching me self destruct by making the same mistakes and i dont blame them.
i cant talk to my girlfriend because she cant stand the parts of my personality that coincide with my disorders.
i cant write on my own blog because ill get yelled at when the wrong person reads it.
i cant write about it in a journal because staring at words depicting my sorrows will bring me neither a solution nor peace.
i cant talk about it to a stranger because there would be no way to make them grasp everything im feeling in one short conversation.
and im depressed.
and my anxiety keeps me awake.
and my psychiatrist is booked until july.
and i know what im doing isnt working but i dont know how to fix it without causing too much conflict.
and i know i dont want to do this anymore and i wouldnt mind giving it all up but i cant kill myself because my anxiety wont give me two seconds to think about anything else other than shit i have to get done.